Monday, 8 March 2010

The BAH!scars #11: 25 Thoughts on the 82nd Oscars Ceremony

25 Thoughts on the Oscars:

1. The Oscars amuse me so much. Just think of the concept of all those actors gathered in one studio, all just sitting next to each other. The whole image is sort of hilarious when you take a step back.

2. I am sick of Neil Patrick Harris. I know, I know – he’s the gay ambassador to straight people, which makes him Ellen without a penis. But his whole schtick of “I’m gay and I sing but I’m more or less castrated and it’s funny that I’ll dance with lots of girls because you know I won’t make out with them and if I do I won’t enjoy it,” is just tired. Can someone take him out to pasture already?

3. Though, it was nice of the programmer to give Rob Marshall a job choreographing that number, considering Nine may have destroyed his career.

4. I dug Martin and Baldwin’s monologue for the most part. Particularly how it showcased why I want to be best friends with Meryl Streep. I really feel like I could say anything about her and she would just laugh merrily.

5. What the hell was up with the stoic George Clooney?

6. I’m relatively certain that the wife of Peter Docter has been crying since she first saw the opening 5 minutes of Up.

7. John Hughes so won the Dead Person Popularity Contest. And Karl Malden came in a clear second. Roy Disney and Budd Schulberg were tied for third. I was incredibly wrong. Also I wish the cinematographer for The Red Shoes and the writer for La Dolce Vita, La Strada, and 8 1/2 had gotten more applause.

8. The guy behind “Music by Prudence” was 1,000 types of fabulous. Why couldn’t the ceremony have opened with him instead of Neil Patrick Harris?

9. I can’t believe that "The New Tenants" won! I was so proud of the Academy for a brief moment. Then they started just playing winners off very quickly and I knew they were back to normal.

10. Maybe instead of playing those guys off so quickly, they should have cut that stupid tribute to horror, which only managed to showcase how much the genre has gone downhill. And I love how they said that it hadn’t been honored since The Exorcist, then proceeded to show clips from Best Picture Winner Silence of the Lambs. It accomplished, though, proving the point that the only horror music ever is from Psycho (apparently).

11. And why the hell did they not play Jeff Bridges off-stage after minute 3 or so of his incredibly staccato speech?

12. In things that would have been better than the prior two points: maybe showing some clips for cinematography? That might have been nice.

13. I am so sick of “I see you.”

14. The winner for Best Costume gave a pretty classy, small speech. Good on her.

15. Oh man, the scores. That was the dumbest, most Oscar-y, pretentious thing I have ever seen. Particularly when they did The Robot during Up. That whole display really defies commentary. I just feel ashamed for everyone who has ever danced right now. Ever.

16. While I liked Michael Giacchino’s speech in theory, I was wondering if he was wasting his time a bit with that video camera. After all, he didn’t win for anything visually. Womp-womp?

17. I thought the editor for The Hurt Locker was pretty ballsy when he brought up how the movie was a small, unfocused group movie and how he thanked the Academy for still choosing it. It seemed to reiterate the point brought up by the producer about how this is not the $500 million film (which got him banned from the ceremonies).

18. Man, they were not even subtle about cutting away from the guy with the “text Dolphin” sign. Love that the Academy will give an award to the movie, but won’t actually care about its entire message/point.

19. Was Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire really all that much of an underdog? I mean, it may have had typical “indie movie” woes in the making, but after that, it had Oprah behind it and was a story about a poor child overcoming adversity with every “hot-button, but not controversial” issue imaginable? It had HIV, rape (but only really dealt with the victim for most of the movie), abuse, poverty, illiteracy, etc. Hell, the stereotypical “Oscar winning speech” (as evidenced in Wayne’s World) culminates in “I never learned to read!” It felt as normal for an Oscar contender as they come.

20. Furthermore, what was with Mo’Nique’s speech about the politics? Yes, the Oscars are political, but I don’t see how the politics were against her. It felt awfully entitled. Though it was incredibly soulful.

21. The Best Actor presentation was spectacular…in that it was overdrawn and hilarious. And it sounded like everyone on stage wanted to jump the bones of the actor to whom they were talking. Sadly, that did not happen on camera. I would have loved to see some Colin Farrell/Jeremy Renner action.

22. Having Oprah talk to Fatty just made my life. And yes, I did giggle a bit whenever they would cut to Fatty.

23. The two huge upsets of the night: Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire beating Up in the Air for screenplay and neither A Prophet nor The White Ribbon winning foreign film. What the hell? to the latter. To the former, at least we got to see the director cut to EVERY black person in the audience.

24. This also meant that Up in the Air walked home completely empty handed. Pretty sad for a film that, back in December, was the favorite to win Best Picture.

25. Hurt Locker! Hurrah! This win may is the first time in a while I was happy at the end of the Oscars. This film was the real underdog that pulled ahead (unlike Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire). But the best part of the entire win was watching the intense bromance between the three stars going on behind Bigelow & crew.

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